Moving on

I have taken to playing squash. Why is it called squash? Is it that two people normally squash each other in the small space? Is it the squishy ball? Is it because you squash your bones every time you hit a wall? I don’t know. I have played most people at work, won my last few games but lost most of them. It is satisfying though, especially the ‘hitting a ball as hard as you can’ bit. I think it is helping with my current post breakup.

I have decided to live every day as it comes, and do exactly what I want. For example, I played squash, and then went to the pub after, whereas normally I would skip the pub and the social because I would want to speak to my girlfriend. I am doing whatever I like, not feeling guilty about anything. It is actually rather good. I feel free. Every now and again, like just before I fall asleep, I think about her and how it could have been, but I am learning to not think like that. I had a brilliant run, now I am on my own (and it’s not that bad!).

I spoke to her today however. It was not as catastrophic as last week where I went into a sort of depressed silence, but she was obviously hurt I had a good week without her. I don’t blame her. I would have been the same last week pre-squash. I feel bad. She asked if we could get back together. I don’t think we can at this stage. I don’t want to be one of those people who makes up, then breaks up and goes on and on in the same cycle, ending up hating each other. NO. That is not me. We made a decision, and we are sticking to it. It is important to focus on yourself every now and again. Healthy even. Do I sound like I am trying to convince myself? Maybe. Is it the right decision?  Ask me again in a few years.

I am hosting a dinner party on Thursday. It is a ‘come dine with me’ style evening and I am the last to do anything. I am a crap cook; however I am doing a cluedo style evening, complete with body, murder weapon and clues all themed on the Godfather. I am quite excited about it, but I hope the guests know it is a Dolmio day. Wish me luck!