Valentines day

Last Valentine’s day, I was completely in love. This valentine’s day, I am working in a pool.

My Lifeguard course is going well, I can barely see because of the chlorine, my skin is getting really dry even though I have put on a million trillion bottles of moisturiser. I am in a class of 16 years olds, who are actually pretty cool, but I TEACH 16 YEAR OLDS! I am sorry but I find it weird having to do all the lifeguard first aid stuff on kids who I could be teaching... worse thing is, a student from my last school is there and I am pretty sure I have taught her... The instructor is a geek who obviously never got laid until he was 30. He is horrible, every time I try to answer a question he says ‘yes’... even if it is wrong. Then he looks at the others as if they should answer! He actually yelled at the class today for not answering, but every time we do he makes us look like a bunch of idiots!

On our second pool session, an aqua aerobics class had just finished, and he made us go in the pool and do aqua aerobics. I like aqua aerobics, but he literally STARED at us while we did it, laughing and pointing. He then made fun of the teacher in front of us. IT WAS DIRE. No-one was prepared for what happened next though, SHE PUSHED HIM IN THE POOL! It was fantastic. He was in such a bad mood for the rest of the day, she has definitely got a formal warning, but I might send her some flowers, because that was the highlight of my day!

I spoke to my ex last night. I know what you are thinking: ‘BORING! WHEN WILL YOU GET LAID AND STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS EX!?’ but I did speak to her! It was not as bad as I thought, but at the same time it was worse. The good thing was that we didn’t get upset, and we had a nice conversation which I feel is a major improvement. However it was bad because we had a webcam. Imagine, I have just been in the pool for 4 hours, then been in a classroom, my eyes are red, I have no make-up on, wearing my ugly tracksuit (they are 16 I am not aiming to impress and it is super comfy!) and she has just had an interview. Her hair is longer, her make-up perfect, literally flawless. You can tell she has been working out; she wore skinny jeans and a jacket... I love that outfit on her. It is my thing power dressing, I go weak at the knees even if they are fat and ugly, but here is a beautiful slim blonde, in a suit.  Why is it that I eat chocolate and work myself into the ground so I look like shit even a month after a break up, when others get fit and look amazing? Jesus. There ex girlfriend rant over! Come on it is Valentine ’s Day I am allowed a little rant.

Happy Valentines day singletons!